Week 9 STQ Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Dean’s List

It would appear that some people were caught unaware for the start of conference season. It’s put up or shut up time, gentlemen. Coaching changes have already been made, as one preseason Deans’ Lister has fallen from glory (looking at you, Clemson). Who will turn their season around in time to save their goals for the season? Who will save face? Who will save nachos? And who will save Grace?

Get the lastest rankings from our expert (smart-alecks) after the break. Continue reading

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Week 7 STQ Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Well sportsfans, that was a hell of a weekend.  3 of your top teams lost.  My beloved Tigers played like they had “Auburn” or “Clemson” on the front of their jerseys.  Texas held Demarco Murray to single digit rushing yards.  Auburn fired Tony Franklin, thus setting back SEC offensive football even further (seriously, it can happen, folks).  This, of course, leads to a shake-up of the Dean’s List and Paddle Line, and a pretty uninspired performance from yours truly, Slow Jerk.  In all fairness, Dez Bryant and his overrated play and acidic attitude tore out my soul for a few days.  So, after the jump, check out where your favorite team ranks and read our witty anecdotes that follow.  Mine are a bit lame, but in all fairness I wrote them with a fauxhawk, mustache, and someone else’s jersey on.  The Rev is not represented on this list because he is busy interviewing for the O-Coordinator position at Auburn.   Click on “more”, bitches.

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Week 6 STQ Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Dean’s list

We’re into full-fledged conference season now, which always separates the men from the boys. The Real Teams from the Pretenders. So sit back and enjoy the ride. The Rev is so excited, he ripped out of one of his too-tight shirts. Slow Jerk is sharpening his mental pencil (there’s still a little nub left). Mad Handles is working on his metaphor-simile crossovers, and Smooth as Eggs? He’s polishing his game like The Rev polished off Jerk’s mom.

Find our Top 21 and Bottom 7 after the jump. Continue reading

Week 5 STQ Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Dean’s List

After a crazy upset weekend, we know you’re a little shocked. If your team went down, you’re searching for someone to help you make sense of all of this. To deal with the crushing disappointment and sense of, well, loss. Your professors are happy to oblige. Continue reading

Week 4 STQ Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Top Heavy – and we’re not talking about Tebow’s girlfriend

Everybody knows the SEC and Big 12 are very good conferences, head-and-shoulders above the likes of the ACC and Big East, comfortably better than the Pac-10 and Big MAC (that’s new, official, STQ terminology for the Big Ten. Thanks, Big Televen moniker – you’ve served us well). But this good? If college football was a well-endowed female, and said well-endowed female was the type of woman who named her breasts, the right one would be called “SEC” and the left one would be “Big 12.”

Don’t miss our weekly ranking of the 21 best teams and seven worst things in college football this week – complete with comments about each from our four resident gurus-in-their-own-minds. Continue reading

STQ Week Three Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Dean’s List

The deans at STQ would like to remind everyone that although things have been fairly easy so far for most of the big boys in class, conference season is about to begin. Those of you who have completed your out-of-conference extra credit assignment and played fellow BCS teams are in good stead. But that means the so-called contenders had better start hitting the books, fix mental mistakes and stop using excuses for their pathetic offensive showing (we’re looking at you, Mssrs. Tuberville, Richt, Bielema. The No-Offense, No-fun Club will not be permitted to dominate this league. And the “but we play such good defense” excuse isn’t gonna fly here, folks) before conference play – and the true tests – begin.

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STQ Week Two Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Dean’s List

1. USC

2. Oklahoma

3. Missouri

4. Georgia

5. Florida

6. LSU

7. Texas

8. East Carolina

9. Ohio State

10-tie. Texas Tech

10-tie. Auburn

12. Oregon

13. Penn State

14. Wisconsin

15-tie. Illinois

15-tie. Arizona State

17. South Florida

18. Alabama

19. BYU

20. Utah

21. Wake Forest

Paddle Line

1. West Virginia/Big East

2. Officiating Crew at BYU/Washington

3. kU

4. Big Ten “power”

5. Notre Dame

6. Ben Mauk

7. Arkansas

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