Good afternoon, sportsfans. As this site starts to pick up some traffic, I’d like to speak candidly to you, if I may. My name is Slow Jerk, and I’m awesome. I contribute to this fine, if not growing, blog. I may say inappropriate things. You may enjoy our work, or you may think we are complete and total wastes of sperm. But you know what?
We want to know what you are thinking. This blog is obviously about us and what we think, but more than that, we want discussion. We want arguments. We want all out melees where people’s mothers and sisters are painted as harlots and stankcrotches. This is the internet, people, and we want a piece of you. Things are said on this website that, if i’m being honest, we may not 100% stand behind. Why would we do that? Because, it’s much more fun to rag on something than to praise it. Sure, Alabama is a good football team this year. But their QB is named John Parker Wilson and he looks like this:
His head looks like a damn walnut. And that name – good lord, man. Pretty soon he’ll be giving fake handjobs on the set of the Young and the Restless.
What’s the point, you ask? Well, we want comments. We want discussion.
kansas fans- you’re kansas, and you suck. You should want to defend yourself at every strike. Hell, we pick you to lose every game. And you don’t have a single playmaker on that “football” team of yours.
SEC fans – your conference is VASTLY overrated. Outside of 2-3 teams, you are a glorified Big 10. And don’t get me started on the big 10… terrible. Maybe if those two conferences merged we’d have a decent competitor for the Big 12. Maybe.
So, here at STQ we are about 88% awesome already. With your contributions and insights, dear readers, we can achieve 100% awesome. And who knows, you might even be funnier than Smooth as Eggs.
One last thing before I leave you for the day – Personal attacks are good. You think that I’m an idiot? Well, then you should take the time to tell me so. “Hey Slow Jerk-off, what do you know? I bet that when you were young you probably fast jerked to pictures of your own mother and then shot your Jacquizz all over your father’s shoes.” Something like that. Probably not as messed up though. That’s all me.
Here’s to a great relationship between you internet-blog-nerd readers and us internet-blog-nerd writers. If you like our site, spread the word. We are actually serious about making this site fun and somewhat informative, so look for new features. As the Georgia fan said about the internet – “Internets? Is that when I stuck my Ugggga inter my sister’s neths?” Did that even make sense? Nope. Enjoy.