Week 2 Review Guide and Study Tips

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Quick lesson to Georgia fans – Knowshon Moreno is not the only football player who can jump over someone. The visual you see is Mizzou TE Chase Coffman, who is bigger than Knowshon and seems to have pretty mad hops himself. Last week was not the first time anyone has ever done this move. Coffman has already done it twice this season, and a handfull last. So get off your high horses – ESPN did not disrespect you by not showing the play. Stop whining and enjoy losing to South Carolina. Now, on with Slow Jerk’s Review Guide and Study Tips:

STQ Week 2 Review

1. That was a tasty cupcake – This past weekend might as well have been called Mangino’s Cupboard. Why? Cupcakes! Got you with the lame joke (and up yours ku – take that fat joke and run with it)! Didn’t I tell you not to bank on any upsets??? I said this weekend would be chalk, and dammit, I was right. Hopefully this doesn’t become standard – the NCAA and/or BCS needs to look into the scheduling issue. I’ll throw this out there for your approval/discussion – Each BCS team must play at least 2 non-conference games against other BCS schools, and can only play a D-1AA every three years. Discuss. I’m not worried about logistics. That would make for some pretty damn fine games.
2. Arrgh – ECU? The Pirates? Again, who called this one? I believe I did. Never doubt your professor. So the Pirates are 2-0 beating a team ranked in the top 20 and one in the top 10. Can they keep it up? Well, their police force is going to have to tone it down a notch, and I suspect the team will do the same. Teams like this end up losing to Tulane. But, it’s pretty damn impressive to hold WVU to just a field goal. Somewhere, Oklahoma fans are doubting their worth.
3. Sam Bradford’s eyes won’t open – OK, lets face it… OU is GOOD. Damn good. Good enough to make this diehard Mizzou fan put OU at the top of the Big 12. Cinci doesn’t have Ben “Let Me Play This Year and I’ll Suck Your…” Mauk, but they have a damn good coach. And a pretty salty D. Oklahoma? No problem. Now if only Bob Stoops could coach a team that could beat a Cincinnati-level team IN THE BOWL SEASON.
4. It’s what the law says, dammit! – Jake Locker has to be pissed. He made a great play to get into the end zone to tie up the game against a bunch of ranked Mormons. Fast forward to his 10am class Monday, and all of a sudden the freshman in the back row loses an eye becuase Jake throws his pen over his head because he knew an answer on the test. Bullshit call? Well, this may surprise you, but NO. The call was accurate. The rule states that throwing the ball in the air is a penalty. Jake Locker – threw the ball in the air. Therefore a flag was thrown. Get over what the ref did, he made the right call. Be mad at the bozos who made this rule. It’s a bad rule, not a bad call. We give refs shit all the time for missing calls – well, this time he got one right by the letter of the law, and he gets rammed for it like a drunk coed in Michael Phelps’ apartment. Give the guy a break. Had he not called it – there would have been a “he’s not following the new rules” fiasco. Bad move, NCAA.
5. Ladies and Gents, we have a victor – The Big 12 is the best conference in football right now. RIGHT NOW. Don’t get all pissy, SEC. You guys are pretty good, too. But the Big 12 has a total of TWO losses this year. And everyone is playing cupcakes, so screw that noise. On the other hand, the ACC and Big East barely qualify as Pop Warner leagues at this point. Don’t worry guys, basketball season is just around the corner – so there’s another sport you can be overrated at. And the Big 11? Ohio State has some serious ground to cover. Sure, Lou Holtz can spit all over Mark May and say that they have nothing to worry about – but you cannot overlook such a shitty performance against a really bad MAC team. Beanie Wells is good, but he isn’t THAT good to where the whole team sucks ass without him. Lou Holtz looks like he’s a kid with that disease that makes him look old.

Study Guide

1. ESPN’s non-Erin Andrews Orgasm of the Week – I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but USC is playing Ohio State Saturday. Really. It hasn’t been publicized much, but then again, ESPN is too busy showing Knowshon Moreno jump a guy (get the F over it, southerners). Could this be a great game? Yes. But how often are games so hyped like this any good? I’m going to give you two reasons to not get too excited about this tilt – the last two BCS title games Ohio State has been in. Also – USC’s QB is very good. Ohio State’s? Nope.
2. ESPN’s other N-EAOotW – This one has ’em buzzing, but I have no idea why. Notre Dame/Michigan. Two inept hasbeens battling on national TV. Sounds like a primary debate, or any studio sports show that has ex-players talking. I’m looking squarely at you, Emmitt Smith. Here’s all you need to know about this game. Jimmy Claussen sucks. Michigan barely beat Miami….. of Ohio. This will be the worst game of the weekend.
3. Just doin’ my job, ma’am – Will the refs lay off of celebration calls? Or will they become more adamant in enforcing the rule? Stupid rule, as we said, but a rule nonetheless. I would LOVE to see the Washington scenario happen in the USC/OSU game, costing OSU the game. And then get to hear the Ohiostaters cry and whine into their silver sweatervests. They deserve it. Show up to a damn championship game, will you? Embarrassing.
4. I like Ike – No Arkansas/Texas game this week? Too bad, I was looking forward to such a lopsided game. Arkansas has played a soft first two games and has barely won in each. Texas = good football team. Arkansas would make Colt McCoy look like a Heisman guy. Hopefully the hurricane isn’t too bad. Also too bad Mitch Mustain isn’t still at Arky, maybe Ike would have blew that porn ‘stache off his face.
5. I love reading this blog! – Homework assignment – we are just getting this blog off the ground, and we love reading comments. Our purpose is to do what we like – write about college sports and hear from others what they think. Your assignment, if you aren’t too douchy to do it, is to comment about what you like, what you don’t like, and shit we could do to make this blog great. Also – tell your friends about it if you like what you read. Even those asshole ku fans. We welcome all comers. Challenge us. Praise us. Tell us we suck or that we rule. Whatever, man. Just tell us. Also – Mizzou will beat Nevada like your father beat your mother.

Any questions – please contact me during my office hours.

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