We came. We saw. We chatted. We ranked.
slowjerk: anyway – number 1
The Right Reverend i vote for USC
slowjerk: damn, I agree
Smooth as Eggs that’s what I was thinking, too
The Right Reverend because rey manalauga told me he would eat my arm if i didn’t
slowjerk: coming off of an absolute beating of (and I hate to say this) a pretty good Illini team
Smooth as Eggs even if Mark Sanchez is better at assaulting females than throwing a football
slowjerk: Mark Sanchez > John David Booty
The Right Reverend I think Mitch Mustain’s mom likes Sanchez. either that, or she’s planning a hit on him so her boy can play… i can’t remember which it was
Smooth as Eggs well, obviously Mitch Mustain is better than Sanchez. Mitch Mustain played in the SEC
slowjerk: Mustain is trash.
I’ll tell you what, though – USC has a pretty brutal schedule
The Right Reverend what, you hate arkansas or something?
slowjerk: @ Virginia – ok, not a powerhouse – but that’s a dicey road game to start off the year. They win – but still.
Smooth as Eggs Ohowihate (with regards to Caught on The Fly)
slowjerk: Tough game
Smooth as Eggs except Ohowihate lost to Illinois
slowjerk: They are lucky to get oregon and asu at home
Smooth as Eggs and again, we all know what? That USC Sanchezed Illinois.
The Right Reverend and Juice williams still has nightmares about manalauga?
Hey, juice and i have something in common.
slowjerk: Damn, maybe their schedule ain’t that bad
Smooth as Eggs not to mention, Notre Dame
The Right Reverend whoa, that’s a tough one
Smooth as Eggs I’m still waiting for the Irish to get a BCS berth for winning 2 games
The Right Reverend i mean, they’ll be appearing in our list, right?
Smooth as Eggs does that mention count?
Because, otherwise, not so much. Same for Arkansas
The Right Reverend so USC is at the top of the dean’s list.
way to set the curve, assholes
Smooth as Eggs USC should be No. 1, though…the Trojans are about as close to a pro team as college football can see
– and I’m not even talking about Reggie Bush’s payments
slowjerk: I think that the third string RB for the Chargers is also on USC’s depth chart
Smooth as Eggs only at USC, he’s what, 10th. Does he lead us to our No. 2 – Kansas State?
The Right Reverend no, but that does lead us to our No. 2 …
The Right Reverend I’ll go with Oklahoma. i’d love to do MU at No. 2, but I can’t until they beat OU. check back with me on december 7.
Smooth as Eggs Until Missouri beats Oklahoma, the Sooners are the team to beat in the Big 12. Oklahoma – home to the second largest man in the Big 12: Phil Loadholt
slowjerk: Oklahoma’s schedule is interesting.
Who would have thought that Cincinnati could give them a game?
Now – no way Danny Fortson’s alma mater wins that one. But still… OU lucks out with the home/road spits in conference: texas, ttech, and ku at home; ksu, baylor, osu on the road
Smooth as Eggs yeah, Texas at Dallas and then getting Tech at home is a nice break. but don’t discount Okie State too much the Bedlam game usually ends up pretty interesting.
slowjerk: aTm is always tough to play. maybe because the opponents are wondering where the cheerleaders are
Smooth as Eggs not impressed by yell leaders, huh?
The Right Reverend neil patrick harris likes yell leaders
slowjerk: I was at an aTm last year and sat over by where the yell leaders. they were less “cheering” and more “reenacting homosexual erotica”
… not that there’s anything wrong with that
Smooth as Eggs biggest key to the Sooners at No. 2:
Auston English returned to practice today.
And Chase Daniel still has nightmares about English
The Right Reverend still, oklahoma returns an impressive offensive and defensive line.
sam bradford is cool and productive, and demarco murray is explosive.
as long as the sooners get good LB play – and they always find good LBs – they will be formidable
at least until they run into…
The Right Reverend No. 3 on the dean’s list: Missouri
slowjerk: I’ll punch random people in the face if they disagree. Schedule is in Mizzou’s favor, that’s for sure
Smooth as Eggs Missouri has, in addition to an awesome offense, the Maneaters on defense. That’s right, break out the Maneaters nickname again.
slowjerk: i read some article that had a big 12 prediction, and they said that Mizzou’s D was their weakness
Smooth as Eggs William Moore, Sean Weatherspoon and Ziggy Hood. the Tigers’ defense returns 10 of 11 starters that absolutely destroyed Arkansas in the Cotton Bowl
slowjerk: That has the chance to be a special D. The opener against ILL in StL is going to be the key to the season.: if this team can do what it is capable in that game, the sky is the limit
Smooth as Eggs the only problem is Missouri’s toughest games are all away from Columbia.
Illinois in St. Louis.at Nebraska (while the Tigers are the superior team, until they win in Lincoln, that’s a tough game). at Texas.
against kansas in KC.
slowjerk: nebraska’s fans will be tougher than the team, and Mizzou will make ku look ridiculous – just like tony kornheiser’s all tan suit for MNF this week (what the hell, man?)
The Right Reverend seriously, tony.
you can do better
slowjerk: yep. But I like Mizzou at 3
The Right Reverend you know who i don’t like? the team i have to vote for at no. 4
Smooth as Eggs wait, before we move on – Chase Daniel and Chase Coffman. just had to mention them
The Right Reverend Georgia
Smooth as Eggs Georgia is loaded, however, so is the CrimeDawgs’ schedule
slowjerk: where would they have been without stafford? they’d be ok
without knoshon, now that’s
Smooth as Eggs at South carolina. at arizona State (the Dawgs’ first trip out of the southeast since Sherman blazed his way through)
That’s a seven-game stretch for Georgia
slowjerk: where they could easily lose 2-3 without missing a beat
Smooth as Eggs the Dawgs may get through the first five games, they may not…
but to end that stretch with a visit to the defending national champs
The Right Reverend will richt have to bust out an extra “motivational tactic” to top vandy? the dawgs have struggled with them of late
Smooth as Eggs and then the Gators, who are still a little upset about that last “motivational tactic”
slowjerk: that was bush league.
i don’t care what anyone says – if you need to do something like that to get your team going… well… i guess that is SEC football. they were flat
Smooth as Eggs ok, No. 5
I won’t travel far from No. 4 and peg Florida as No. 5
The Right Reverend that’s just because your wife would murder you if you didn’t
Smooth as Eggs true, but also, the Gators have Tebow
The Right Reverend football jesus?
or is that percy harvin?
Smooth as Eggs and legend has it, Superman wears Tebow pajamas
slowjerk: matt “manspooner” stafford wears a tebow thong
Smooth as Eggs my only concern with Florida is, the Gators’ defense was sorry last year,
and the Gators’ secondary has been decimated by torn ACLs this fall
slowjerk: that’s OK – because they don’t play offense in the SEC. Tebow is pretty studly though
Smooth as Eggs not to mention, in addition to Harvin,
Florida also has Rainey and Moody to help take some of the load off Tebow.
The Right Reverend good news for florida: they don’t have to defend the only legit offense in their league -THEIR offense. (tenn forfeited “legit o” rights when cutcliffe left again)
Smooth as Eggs on that note, how long until Fat Phil gets the axe in Knoxville
The Right Reverend and does it happen before his heart blows out like a florida defensive back’s knee?
slowjerk: i think they are mutually exclusive
Smooth as Eggs and I will say while Georgia is ranked ahead of Florida, I think the Gators are the team to beat in the SEC East, based on the schedule
The Right Reverend agreed
Smooth as Eggs the Gators have breathing room in between their toughest games, unlike Georgia,
getting Ole Miss and Arkansas in between Tennessee and LSU, and then Kentucky in between LSU and Georgia.
also receiving a nice setup, is the Dean’s List’s No. 6….
Smooth as Eggs Ohio State
slowjerk: yeah, even though they will ruin terrelle pryor
Smooth as Eggs that’s right, no THE.
just Ohio State
The Right Reverend well, they are ONLY the second state university in ohio. hip, hip, hooray for the mighty Ohio Bobcats
Smooth as Eggs the nice setup for the Buckeyes is the sorry excuse that is the Big 10.
I mean, Big 11
The Right Reverend do we need to say anything more about ohio state than this:good defense (though oversized/slow); good running game; average QB; weak league
= BCS-game berth. write it down.
Smooth as Eggs or, in other words, the same Buckeyes team from the past 2 years: run rampant through a weak conference only to be exposed horribly in a BCS game. also, Beanie Wells is the truth. if anybody can give Knowson a run for best RB in the game, it’s Beanie
Smooth as Eggs it’s sad that JoePa is now senile otherwise the Nittany Lions would have Pryor and Penn State could actually give Ohowihate a good challenge
The Right Reverend who is more sad: JoePa or Bobby Bowden?
Smooth as Eggs Bowden. he had his own son as his OC.
slowjerk: it’s sad that boeckman is one of the best QB’s in a BCS conference
The Right Reverend it’s sad that purdue’s quarterback is better than ohio state’s (and his name ain’t drew brees)
slowjerk: really – name four good QB’s in the big 10
Smooth as Eggs
is Curtis Painter still around at Purdue? Pryor.
slowjerk: this really isn’t looking good for the big 10
Smooth as Eggs hell, Manspooner may be the best QB in the Big 11. OUCH
slowjerk: that’s harsh. but – not far off base
The Right Reverend all right. on to no. 7. i like wvu.
let’s give em some love
slowjerk: god I hate west virginia
Smooth as Eggs the Mountaineers may be tough again, but this year is it. RichRod may be a skeezy assclown, but the dude knows the spread option. you don’t lose a great coach without suffering.
luckily, WVU still has Pat White and Noel Devine
slowjerk: that colorado game could be interesting
– and they host auburn, but then they’ll lose at UCONN or something and make everyone realize that they are in the big east. and even the best big east team isn’t all that good.
Smooth as Eggs two good chances for West Virginia to prove they are legit. of course, WVU may not want to overlook Pitt again, either
The Right Reverend Eer fans better enjoy this year. I’l coin a catchphrase for them: The last ride of the Mountaineers.
i smell hollywood blockbuster
Smooth as Eggs still, mark it down – Dec. 6 in Morganstown – Big East title game
against South Florida
slowjerk: and the two in a row at UL and at Pitt could be a statement weekend
well, yeah, USF is going to beat ku.
and they have orange bowl rings
Smooth as Eggs USF is a budding power
slowjerk: lax academic standards, located in a talent-rich state, FSU and Miami in a down period
slowjerk: can’t get into the state school? check out USF!
The Right Reverend Well, of course USF is good. they had the good sense to hire a guy with a great education
slowjerk: yeah, there’s that too
The Right Reverend on to no. 8: LSU
slowjerk: dumbest coach in the history of championship coaches
Smooth as Eggs and luckiest
slowjerk: and weakest – i mean, c’mon dude, go to your alma mater. sack up
Smooth as Eggs it definitely seemed at times that Miles was trying his best to lose games last year
The Right Reverend good players make coaches look smart. bad players make coaches look dumb. no coach proves that more than les “the hat” miles
Smooth as Eggs need a FG to win, throw a bomb into the end zone, and get a game-winning TD with 1 second left. and then act like you would have had plenty of time if the ball wasn’t caught
slowjerk: the biggest internet message board fodder on the evening of August 30th:
“Proof that the SEC is better than the big 10 – LSU destroyed Ap State”
Smooth as Eggs yes.
Appalachian State with the chance to upset a top 10 team for the second straight year
The Right Reverend you might put miss cleo out of business yet, slowjerk
slowjerk: won’t happen – they’ll be at LSU AT NIGHT – which apparently i’m supposed to think is amazing
Smooth as Eggs no. 1 reason, though, why LSU won’t repeat:
the Tigers may end up starting a transfer from Harvard at QB
Smooth as Eggs read that again, a transfer from Harvard at QB
slowjerk: I’ll give you 3 reasons Auburn, Florida, and Georgia
Smooth as Eggs those are good, too
The Right Reverend nuff said
The Right Reverend you know, the only region that might think more of itself than the SEC is the state in which our no. 9 dean’s list member resides: Texas
slowjerk: hook ’em
Smooth as Eggs yes, that and Ohio
slowjerk: and nebraska
The Right Reverend There’s one reason to put Texas at No. 9: Will Muschamp
Smooth as Eggs Muschamp is the supposed greatest DC in the history of sports
slowjerk: you forget about bo pelini. he’s the jesus christ of the blackshirts
Smooth as Eggs and he’d better be to shut down the offenses in the Big 12. because stifling the run on first down, run on second down, run on third down offense of the SEC doesn’t mean squat when trying to defend in the air-it-out Big 12
The Right Reverend Colt McCoy and the offense will be solid, but Muschamp must mold the texas talent pool into the defense it should be
Smooth as Eggs the concern with Texas is the drop since VY left. also, Colt McCoy took a huge step back last year. if Colt doesn’t rebound, the Longhorns could have problems with a schedule that includes Oklahoma, Missouri, Tech and kansas.
that’s a lot of firepower
The Right Reverend that’s a tough big 12 north stretch. wow, i really just said that … and colorado and nebraska had nothing to do with it
slowjerk: kansas. pshaw
Smooth as Eggs those four games come within a six-week stretch, too
late in the year
The Right Reverend hey, kU will challenge Texas in lawrence (But come up short, of course)
slowjerk: rrs will, again, decide the south
Smooth as Eggs mark it down – for the first time, Texas loses the game after the Red River Shootout
The Right Reverend hey, you know who else kU will challenge in Lawrence?
the tenth member of STQ’s Dean’s List: Texas Tech.
and guess what? kU won’t be able to handle them, either
Smooth as Eggs Mike Leach = genius. and funny as hell
slowjerk: speaking of numbers:TTU – numbers factory over the years.
name me a Tech QB who has had success post-leach
Smooth as Eggs I really don’t think the mad scientist cares
The Right Reverend college wins are all that matters
Smooth as Eggs give him anybody with an arm that won’t fall off, and he’ll put up about 20-gazillion yards
slowjerk: crabtree is a beast
Smooth as Eggs the difference, though, is that Tech is supposed to have a defense this year
The Right Reverend we will see. i don’t buy all the hype
slowjerk: but, there was a defense in the big 12 that made Crabtree disappear last year… no – i don’t either
Smooth as Eggs although, luckily for Leach and Co. – no Missouri on the schedule. the Tigers own the Red Raiders, as Jerk was leading into
The Right Reverend Missouri defensive coordinator is Matt Eberflus is Leach’s kryptonite
slowjerk: tech’s preseason rank is the highest they’ll be all year
Smooth as Eggs onto the second 10 of the Dean’s List (and the editing stops here, folks. read on at your own risk).
No. 11 – Clemson
slowjerk: Auburn at 12
Smooth as Eggs the Tigers are coached by Tommy Bowden, which means they will choke
The Right Reverend or “clempson” if you’re from the dirty dirty
slowjerk: nice four tigers in the top 15.
The Right Reverend the good news for clemson: at least papa bowden will let them beat florida state
Smooth as Eggs Bobby – turning FSU back into a women’s college
slowjerk: they’ll start stealing high heels
The Right Reverend at least they’ll still be able to get them at dillard’s…
Smooth as Eggs No. 12 – another batch of Tigers….AUBURN
can the Tigers play offense?
slowjerk: i have no feeling towards auburn
i know that if they are playing, i usually look for another game
The Right Reverend i assume their defense will be very good, their offense will be blah, and they’ll be boring to watch
slowjerk: does anyone buy wisky this year?
The Right Reverend nope
Smooth as Eggs because that’s what Auburn has been every year since the beginning of time?
I buy that Wisconsin probably will be the Big 11’s second-best team not that it means much and that’s if they can hold off Eddie McGee and the Illini
slowjerk: wisky is like the big, scary dude that shows up at a party but then shits his pants when he spills his drink
The Right Reverend i like illinois better than wiscy
slowjerk: not at 13 though
Smooth as Eggs Arizona State?
slowjerk: dennis “don’t call me scott” erickson
The Right Reverend sure
Smooth as Eggs if you hire Dennis Erickson, you are guaranteeing yourself two things: No. 1 – you’ll win football games; No. 2 – you’ll be running a dirty program
slowjerk: when you lance a boil like Sam Keller, you have more than just one year of good health
Smooth as Eggs how much does Miami wish they still had Erickson
or Butch Davis for that matter
The Right Reverend pssh, they’ve got randy shannon. that’s enough
Smooth as Eggs onto 14
Smooth as Eggs who do we have left that are going to get into spots 14-21?
Smooth as Eggs BYU
The Right Reverend illinois at 14
Smooth as Eggs USF
The Right Reverend so: u of I, byu, wiscy, kU, usf,
Smooth as Eggs that’s 18
and I don’t know what order
The Right Reverend that’s my order
Smooth as Eggs Oregon? i’m fine with that order, too. VaTech at 19?
Smooth as Eggs ok
Oregon at 20…or Tenn?
Smooth as Eggs the fighting JoePa’s?
The Right Reverend i like oregon
Smooth as Eggs cool, let’s knock this bitch out then
No. 14 – the Fighting Ron Zookers
The Right Reverend illlinois has a great defense and great athletes everywhere. too bad illinois also has juice “one-hop” williams at QB
Smooth as Eggs unfortunately, the Illini’s best QB is on the sideline while Juice Williams trickles down his leg
but, Benn = the real deal
slowjerk: they got outclassed last year at the rose
didn’t belong on the field
The Right Reverend no, the real deal was the one benn’s mom got for sending her son to champaign
Smooth as Eggs are you trying to say, they got Sanchezed
slowjerk: isn’t she like AD of Illini now?
Smooth as Eggs Ron Zook = the football equivalent of ku basketball coaches
slowjerk: ok – no 15 – The Fighting Mormons
The Right Reverend at least until regis leaves for the NFl
byu – they like throwing the football as much as joe smith liked married multiple chicks
Smooth as Eggs all I have to say on BYU – their coach’s name is Bronco
slowjerk: They are the Shawn Kemp of the forward pass
Smooth as Eggs seriously, the coach’s name is Bronco
The Right Reverend byu was making average-skilled QBs look great when Mike Leach was still cutting his teeth
and Max Young is the next in line
Smooth as Eggs is he also related to Brigham Young?
slowjerk: they’re all related, man
The Right Reverend funny side note: the man who recorded the original mormon bible is interred in the same graveyard as Civil War guerilla Bloody Bill Anderson. In Richmond, Missouri.
slowjerk: sidenote – wasn’t it bob feller you talked to?
The Right Reverend yeah
slowjerk: kurkijan is sucking him off on baseball tonight
“he had nine one-hitters”
Smooth as Eggs a nice little history note on STQ, who would have imagined that
The Right Reverend so how about those wisconsin badgers
slowjerk: they are the ultimate paper tiger
Smooth as Eggs well, I don’t imagine they’ll actually have a legit QB
The Right Reverend at no. 16
slowjerk: they always LOOK good
but rarely do they PLAY good
The Right Reverend well, all i know is that allen evridge wasn’t good enough to beat our josh “soulglo” freeman when joshie was a freshman
Smooth as Eggs the most famous Wisconsin QB – Jim Sorgi
slowjerk: here’s wisky’s formula
The Right Reverend that means he isn’t that good of a QB
Smooth as Eggs what is he famous for, backing up Peyton Manning and NEVER seeing the field
The Right Reverend but the badgers have two advantages: their conference, and Travis Beckum
slowjerk: Blah QB – bruising RB – underachievers
Smooth as Eggs Beckum – the best TE not named Chase Coffman. also, like Jerk said, Wisconsin will run the ball
slowjerk: another team that I find boring. there’s a thing called the “forward pass” – look into it
Smooth as Eggs so, besides Brett Favre, what is Wisconsin famous for?
you know who likes cheese?
AM The Right Reverend mark mangino?
Smooth as Eggs yes
slowjerk: i won’t say anything positive about ku here
Smooth as Eggs mark mangino loves cheese (along with every other food known to man)
The Right Reverend is his team no. 17 on the dean’s list?
slowjerk: they have a overachieving qb who lost most of his O-line
Smooth as Eggs unfortunately, the red-legged b@$%&^@s are
slowjerk: they lost their playmakers on D – and one of ’em was a stoned moron who got taken constantly
The Right Reverend we at STQ are still checking the transcripts – it’s likely kU cheated it’s way into this grade (like they cheated decent players into school back in the early Mangino days)
slowjerk: they play a d-1 schedule this year
Smooth as Eggs which means, about 4-5 losses?
slowjerk: sounds about right. also – they were in a bcs game and they wore what looked to be practice uniforms
Smooth as Eggs and one of those will come to No. 18 on the Dean’s List
slowjerk: just ugly
The Right Reverend but, we’ll give them credit for now… gives us more to make fun oflater
slowjerk: all aspects of this team are ugly
Smooth as Eggs the South Florida Bulls
slowjerk: Levitt is a madman
with a quality education
Smooth as Eggs South Florida will win for that reason alone – Leavitt is a Mizzou grad, and there is no way he lets the beakers leave Florida with a win
The Right Reverend he also, as we mentioned earlier, is in a great situation in a weaker-than-jerk’s-knees-when-he-sees-naked-men conference
Smooth as Eggs plus, besides his Bulls, there’s only one legit team in that talent-rich state: the Gators now that Bowden is senile and Miami doesn’t seem to care anymore
The Right Reverend Matt Groethe is a smart, solid QB; USF’s defense is fast and nasty (spread o’s, beware George Selvie)
slowjerk: and like I said – their academic standards are more lax than the rev’s sister’s morals
both will let anyone in
12:28 AM Smooth as Eggs you know who’s not a smart, solid QB?
Sean f&cking Glennon
Kyle Orton is a better QB
Smooth as Eggs the only guy who should’ve been named a bowl game MVP twice
The Right Reverend juice williams is a better qb
Smooth as Eggs for the opposing team
slowjerk: i’ve seen better QB play from Darren McFadden
Smooth as Eggs Sean Glennon couldn’t even start at QB in the SEC
slowjerk: Sean Glennon is a poor man’s Kirk Farmer
Smooth as Eggs that said, Glennon does start for the Dean’s List’s 19th ranked team – the VaTech Hokies
who will have a great defense and will beat some poor team thanks to special teams
slowjerk: hopefully he’ll remember to bring his jersey to all the games this season
The Right Reverend and maybe throw more TDs to HIS team and fewer to the OTHER?
slowjerk: one would hope
Smooth as Eggs actually, if I was VaTech, I’d hide his jersey every game
make him wear the opponents
that way he’ll actually complete passes to his receivers
slowjerk: true – then he’d throw it to his guys
Smooth as Eggs a$$clown
slowjerk speaking of dollars
Smooth as Eggs (skipped Wake)
The Right Reverend home of the loudest stadium and ugliest uniforms
slowjerk (don’t care)
Smooth as Eggs (unless we want them at 21, because I’m fine with that)
The Right Reverend i don’t thknk wake is dean worthy
oregon and tennesse
Smooth as Eggs ok
slowjerk do they still have tim duncan?
i’m only going to say one thing about oregon
they have ryan leaf’s brother
The Right Reverend injuries derailed nike u’s championship run last year
Smooth as Eggs is Brady Leaf their starting QB?
The Right Reverend well, that and brady leaf
slowjerk it’s like some terrible mash-up of Brady Quinn and Ryan Leaf
Smooth as Eggs it’s hard to make Ryan Leaf look like the best QB in the family
but Brady makes it look easy
slowjerk apparently, after watching him last year, it ain’t that hard
Smooth as Eggs he’s still better than Sean Glennon, though
The Right Reverend and juice williams
and todd boeckeman
slowjerk and Stafford
Smooth as Eggs and Josh “I’m going to be the first pick in the 2009 draft” Freeman
slowjerk CFL draft
Smooth as Eggs no
The Right Reverend it’s still a draft
Smooth as Eggs World League of American Football
slowjerk Colorado Intramural Football
The Right Reverend oregon: ugly uniforms, ugly QB, but good enough to make the dean’s list (blame grading on a curve)
Smooth as Eggs does that mean we’re ready for last, and most definitely least, No. 21
slowjerk yes. did erik ainge finally graduate?
Smooth as Eggs the only coach to ever be served at conference media days
and yes, Ainge is gone
probably training to take over the Celtics anyday now
slowjerk finally – that guy was there forever
and he was never very good
Smooth as Eggs he was good enough to stick it out, unlike Brett Schaefer
who couldn’t even beat out a walk-on at Ole Miss
slowjerk or the claussen they had
Smooth as Eggs Vols will start out 0-3 in conference
Florida, at Auburn, at Georgia
slowjerk they will see the words “interim coach” soon after
“Interim Coach Tee Martin”
Filed under: acc, big-12, big-east, big-ten, conferences, deans-list, independents, non-bcs, pac-10, sec | Tagged: acc, Add new tag, big-12, big-east, big-ten, college football, pac-10, rankings, season preview, sec |