STQ Pop Quiz Week 10

All the professors here at Streaking the Quad have been failing lately. However, it is crunch time now, and they are getting ready for one naked run through campus. Are you ready to come along for the ride.

Mad Handles

Slow Jerk

Smooth As Eggs

The Right Rev

Northwestern at (17) Minn

Minn 24-17

NW 22-20

Minn 17-15

NW 22-21

Wisconsin at (21) Mich St

Wisky 14-13

MSU 30-14

MSU 28-20

MSU 17-3

WVU at (25) Uconn

WVU 34-31

Uconn 29-20

WVU 23-14

Uconn 13-10

(18) Tulsa at Arkansas

Tulsa 28-2

Tulsa 44-23

Tulsa 38-35

Ark 28-24

Arkansas St at (2) Bama

Bama 21-13

Bama 39-13

Bama 30-13

Bama 30-3

(14) Missouri at Baylor

MU 48-17

MU 58-12

MU 59-12

MU 49-20

(8) Florida vs. (6) Georgia

UF 38-24

UF 29-3

UF 42-20

UF 38-34

Iowa St at (9) Okie State

OSU 42-7

OSU 33-24

OSU 63-10

OSU 55-17

(15) FSU at GaTech

FSU 24-17

GT 30-18

FSU 28-16

FSU 19-16

(24) Oregon at Cal

Oregon 21-14

Oregon 40-0

Oregon 28-27

Oregon 37-35

(20) BYU at Colorado St

BYU 35-14

BYU 29-19

BYU 49-6

BYU 38-10

Washington at (5) USC

USC 45-10

USC

USC 60-5

USC 42-6

(11) Boise at NM State

BSU 34-24

BSU 36-20

BSU 48-13

BSU 30-17

(1) Texas at (7) TexTech

UT 45-14

UT 42-23

UT 49-33

UT 33-27

Nebraska at (4) OU

OU 38-24

OU 41-9

OU 63-17

OU 41-21

(13) TCU at UNLV

TCU 38-24

TCU 29-12

TCU 33-20

TCU 20-10

Tulane at (19) LSU

LSU 31-7

LSU 4-3

LSU 40-24

LSU 30-3

(10) Utah at New Mexico

Utah 30-28

Utah 25-20

Utah 38-17

Utah 20-9

k-state at kansAss

kSU 28-21

ksu 3-0

kSU 47-40

kSU 45-42

Colorado at aTm

CU 6-3

aTm 10-3

CU 14-13

CU 13-10

Air Force at Army

Army 21-17

Army 41-39

AF 30-24

AF 32-19

Pitt at Notre Dame

ND 34-14

Pitt 14-9

Pitt 28-20

Pitt 33-26

iowa at Illinois

UofI 31-28

UofI 15-10

Iowa 20-10

Iowa 13-9

Tennessee at USCe

USCe 17-14

USCe 33-21

USCe 17-16

USCe 3-2

For more insight, keep reading after the jump.

Top 25

Northwestern at (17) Minnesota

Mad Handles - I want to feel good about Northwestern, and if any top 25 team is primed for a loss this weekend, it’s Minnesota, but I think the Gophers edge the Cats in a tight contest throughout. Minnesota 24, Northwestern 17

Slow Jerk - How in god’s name is Minnesota ranked in the top 20?  Northwestern 22, Minn 20

Smooth as Eggs - The Minnesota State Screaming Eagles are still the best team in Canada Lite. And Hayden Fox is still the best coach. Minnesota 17, Northwestern 15

The Right Rev – Timmy Brewster…inspirational guy. But not good enough to prevent the upset. Norhtwestern 22, Minnesota 21

Wisconsin at (21) Michigan State

Mad Handles – Quick, name two Big 10 teams that people care less about these days. Wisconsin 14, Michigan State 13

Slow Jerk - Michigan State is what Wisconsin wishes it were.  MSU 30, Wisky 14

Smooth as Eggs - I’m taking the odds that Bielema sports wood over watching Michigan State’s offense, since the Spartans do nothing but run the Badgers through the Ringer. Michigan State 28, Wisconsin 20

The Right Rev – Need to take a nap? Watch this game. Michigan State 17, Wisky 3

West Virginia at (25) UConn

Mad Handles – The Mountaineers have taken their fair share of shit here at STQ, but they may be onto something. Why not pick the upset here? West Virginia 34, UConn 31

Slow Jerk – This is the time of the year where I’d rather try to shave my wang with a rusty straightrazor than watch Big East football.  UConn 29, WVU 20

Smooth as Eggs – Pat White and Noel Devine are the two best players in the Big East. Not that that’s saying much. West Virginia 23, UConn 14

The Right Rev – Still tough to believe UCONN is a decent team,  it really is. UCONN 13, WVU 10

(18) Tulsa at Arkansas

Mad Handles – Seriously, Arkansas? It’s come to this? One more thing to worry about, Arky – if things play out like they could with that Washington job, Petrino might be coaching Tulsa next season. All it takes is money. Tulsa 28, Arky 2

Slow Jerk - Arkansas is awful.  Kind of like their conference.  Tulsa 44, Arky 23

Smooth as Eggs – Gus Malzahn>Bobby Petrino. David Johnson>Casey Dick. Tulsa 38, Arkansas 35

The Right Rev – Enough about Tulsa already.  Arkie 28, Tulsa 24

Arkansas State at (2) Alabama

Mad Handles – Bama will lose a game soon, but it’s not going to be vs. Arky St. Bama 21, Arky St. 13

Slow Jerk – How do you get to play a team like this in the middle of the season?  Well, at least it is a step up from the bottom of the SEC.  Bama 39, ASU 13

Smooth as Eggs – The Red Wolves (seriously, the Red Wolves? The NCAA just needs to let the whole PC thing die. Indians. Much better nickname than Red Wolves.) are better than the Razorbacks. Bama 30, Arkansas State 13

The Right Rev – Another thing that sucks about the SEC: Playing shitty nonconference games in the middle of the season. Bama 30, Arkansas State 3

(14) Missouri at Baylor

Mad Handles - This one should really be called Missouri today vs. Missouri 5 years ago. Missouri 48, Baylor 17

Slow Jerk - I like Baylor.  But, they are about to get chased right out of the goddamn stadium.  Mizzou 58, Baylor 12

Smooth as Eggs - Chase Coffman jumps over the stadium. SEC fans still talk about how awesome it was that day when Knowshon hurdled somebody and didn’t make ESPN. Missouri 59, Baylor 12

The Right Rev - Baylor is going to need a lot more than Robert Griffin to take this one. Mizzou 49, Baylor 20

(8) Florida vs. (6) Georgia at Jacksonville

Mad Handles – Georgia puts up a fight, but ultimately can’t hang with the best (only) offense in the SEC. Florida 38, UGA 24

Slow Jerk - Georgia can’t beat the good teams in the SEC.  Florida 29, UGA 3

Smooth as Eggs – Little known (probably not a) fact – the Gator Stomp caused little Timmy Tebow to cuss. Florida 42, Georgia 20

The Right Rev - Remember that whole TD celebration thing? Of course you do. Remember that Tebow was nicked up and didn’t play his normal game? AH, thought you might have forgotten that. Florida 38, Georgia 34

Iowa State at (9) Oklahoma State

Mad Handles - Buck up, Iowa State fan, you guys got a committment from an insane two-star QB this week. Things are rollin’ in Ames. Okie Lite 42, Iowa State 7

Slow Jerk - Okie State needs to keep it up.  ISU will not stop them.  OSU 33, ISU 24

Smooth as Eggs – Does beating the tar out of Texas’ former defensive coordinator count as beating the Longhorns? Okie State 63, Iowa State 10

The Right Rev – Why do teams not named “Oklahoma” keep getting punished so severely for losing to the No. 1 team in the country? Okie State 55, Iowa State 17

(15) Florida State at Georgia Tech

Mad Handles - FSU wins, but this is the game where Bowden realizes it’s time to hang it up after this season. Florida St. 24, GaTech 17

Slow Jerk - The “15” by FSU is how many pairs of Reebok are actually paid for.  GT 30, FSU 18

Smooth as Eggs – Bobby Bowden remembers when the triple option was invented. Unfortunately, Bowden has forgotten how to coach. Fortunately, Jimbo Fisher knows this and has Yanni playing on Bowden’s headphones. Florida State 28, GaTech 16

The Right Rev – The Seminoles show why the triple option is not an instant fix. Florida State 19, Georgia Tech 16

(24) Oregon at Cal

Mad Handles - Meh. Pac 10. Not really interested. Oregon 21, Cal 14

Slow Jerk - Cal is more worthless than Britney Spears in a singing/dancing/mothering/notwhoringherselfout contest.  Oregon 40, Cal 0

Smooth as Eggs -Ugliest game ever. Seriously, both of these teams have gawdy gold/yellow unis. Don’t watch it unless you are tired of your eyesight. Oregon 28, Cal 27

The Right Rev -The Ducks take it in a closer shave than any Cal coed gives her armpits (don’t even ask about ‘down there’ unless you’ve got an axe handy. You’d need it to get through that forest)… Oregon 37, Cal 35

(20) BYU at Colorado State

Mad Handles - Does anyone else remember when Colorado St. was a pesky team? BYU 35, Colorado St. 14

Slow Jerk - Colorado State is the best team in the state.  BYU 29, CS 19

Smooth as Eggs – The Fighting Mormons offer up the Rams as a burnt sacrifice. BYU 49, Colorado State 6

The Right Rev -The Fighting Mormons keep taking their dashed BCS dreams out on poor lil Colorado State. BYU 38, Colorado State 10

Washington at (5) USC

Mad Handles - Lame duck coach? Flat team. Damn you, Washington! USC 45, Washington 10

Slow Jerk - This is going to resemble that one scene in Pulp Fiction… you know, the one with the ballgag and the assfucking?  USC 24×10^5, Washington -30

Smooth as Eggs – USC’s going away present for Willingham – a bareback raping. USC 60, Washington 5

The Right Rev -UPSET: USC doesn’t cover! USC 42, Washington 6

(11) Boise State at New Mexico State

Mad Handles - Hey, Boise St., how much does it suck knowing that you’re still not legitimately in the BCS Title hunt? That’s gotta be kind of deflating, right? I mean… you could win out and you will have NO SHOT at that game. I don’t know. I just don’t think I could bear it. Isn’t it all just futile at this point? Seriously. Boise St. 34, New Mex St. 24

Slow Jerk - I thought Ian Johnson graduated like 5 years ago.  BSU 36, NMS 20

Smooth as Eggs – Hal Mumme used to be an offensive genius. Then he stopped paying players after getting hammered and fired from Kentucky for it. Now, not so much. Boise 48, NM State 13

The Right Rev – NMSU lost to Nebraska. Game over. Boise State 30, NMSU 17

(1) Texas at (7) Texas Tech

Mad Handles - Things get real for Tech this week. These are the games in which Leach gets exposed. Texas 45, Texas Tech 14

Slow Jerk - Tech is still not as good as you think.  Texas 42, Tech 23

Smooth as Eggs – Tech will never win a big game without attempting to run the ball. Mark it down. It’s the gospel. Texas 49, Tech 33

The Right Rev – Texas finally has a little bit of a let-down game… and still wins pretty handily. Texas 33, Texas Tech 27

Nebraska at (4) Oklahoma

Mad Handles - The score will be closer than the actual game, and this will be enough to have Nebraska fans talking about a National Championship next season. Because that’s all Nebraska can do at this point – look to next season. They’re now the pre-2004 Boston Red Sox of the college football world. Oklahoma 38, Nebraska 24

Slow Jerk - This is going to be UGLY.  Bo Pelini Ugly.  OU 41, Nebraska 9

Smooth as Eggs – The game of the Cent…..Oh wait, the Huskers’ idea of reBOrn doesn’t actually mean being dominant, it just means not allowing 70 points in a game. Oklahoma 63, Nebraska 17

The Right Rev – Nebraska adds a few garbage-time scores to make it look less like the ass-kicking it was. Oklahoma 41, Nebraska 21

(13) TCU at UNLV

Mad Handles - Ha ha! Horned Frogs. TCU 38, UNLV 24

Slow Jerk -TCU is actually pretty good.  TCU 29, UNLV 12

Smooth as Eggs – Not even the adult establishments can get the Horny Toads off their game. TCU 33, UNLV 20

The Right Rev -When will the Horned Frog express be derailed? TCU 20, UNLV 10

Tulane at (19) LSU

Mad Handles - Is there a worse game in the Top 25 this week? LSU 31, Tulane 7

Slow Jerk - No comment.  LSU 4, Tulane 3

Smooth as Eggs – What, no Louisiana-Lafayette or Lousiana-Monroe? LSU 40, Tulane 24

The Right Rev -Nothing like a midseason patsy to get back in the swing. Screw this SEC scheduling. LSU 30, Tulane 3

(10) Utah at New Mexico

Mad Handles - Honestly? That score is just a total reach. I think Utah will win. I just don’t care by how much. Utah 30, New Mexico 28

Slow Jerk - This game bores me a lot like when the Rev’s mom tries to seduce me.  Utah 25, NM 20

Smooth as Eggs – Rocky Long still can’t stop a finesse spread team. Utah 38, New Mexico 17

The Right Rev – Rev’s favorite little team that could keeps rolling. Utah 20, New Mexico 9

Big 12

k-state at kansAss

Mad Handles - Why not? k-State gave them their best game last season until they met up with the buzz saw that was Missouri. k-State 28, kansas 21

Slow Jerk - The battle of the worst state in the history of all things fecal and gross.  ksu 3, ku 0

Smooth as Eggs -Purple shirts to see this weekend: My quarterback drops Tiger Tens bigger than your quarterback. k-state 47, kansAss 40

The Right Rev – It never stopped being the Toilet Bowl to the Rev. kSU 45, kU 42

Colorado at aTm

Mad Handles - So I guess this is going to happen… Colorado 6, aTm 3

Slow Jerk -The battle of shitty teams outside the state of kansas.  aTm 10, Colorado 3

Smooth as Eggs – All logic says the Buffs are done. But I’ll take Hawk Love over Sherman any day. Colorado 14, aTm 13

The Right Rev – These might be the two worst teams in the Big 12. Yes, worse than Baylor and iSu. Colorado 13, aTm 10

Other

Air Force at Army

Mad Handles - It’s really too bad the service acadamies don’t have any real relevance in college football anymore. Army 21, Air Force 17

Slow Jerk - Touchdown today, landmine tomorrow.  Army 41, AF 39

Smooth as Eggs – No jokes. Just well wishes to our future men in uniforms. Air Force 30, Army 24

The Right Rev – You can’t fight air power, baby. Air Force 32, Army 19

Pitt at Notre Dame

Mad Handles - Word to Charlie Weis – keep your head up on the sidelines. Notre Dame 34, Pitt 14

Slow Jerk - I hate pitt – but how sweet would it be to knock the domers down a few pegs?  Pitt 14, ND 9

Smooth as Eggs – Something tells me the mustache is on this week. Pitt 28, ND 20

The Right Rev – Mark May makes Lou Holtz his bitch… again. Pitt 33, Notre Dame 26

Iowa at Illinois

Mad Handles - Umm… so is Juice Williams going to work out with Byron Leftwich this offseason? Illinois 31, iowa 28

Slow Jerk - EDDIE FUCKING MCGEE SHOULD PLAY.  Ill 15, Iowa 10

Smooth as Eggs – Juice Williams’ last stand? Nah. Iowa 20, Illinois 10

The Right Rev – This might be the first stitch in the “Let’s fire Ron Zook” quilt. Iowa 13, Illinois 9

Tennessee at South Carolina

Mad Handles - Fulmer’s done. He knows it. His team knows it. Game over. South Carolina 17, Tennessee 14

Slow Jerk - This game should be considered a bracket buster.  USCe 33, Tenn 21

Smooth as Eggs – At one time, Fat Phil and the Ol’ Ball coach would be the game of the year. Now it’s just a game to try and become bowl eligible. Sad. South Carolina 17, Tennessee 16

The Right Rev – BOooooooooring. Remember the preseason, when these teams were listed as part of the depth of really good teams in the SEC? Commence laughter now… South Carolina 3, Tennessee 2

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