STQ Week 7 Pop Quiz

Consider us here at Streaking the Quad as the SEC of college sports blogs. Well, yes, we are the greatest even though we have no way of actually proving that. But that isn’t what I meant. Rather, we came out flat last week and forgot to show up.

Lesson learned. It won’t happen again. To ensure that, Mad Handles spent the week pulling tires, Slow Jerk ran steps, The Right Rev had to listen to about a billion jokes about his smoking hot sister and I, Smooth as Eggs, was forced to watch a replay of Auburn-Mississippi State. Trust me, after that torture, your beloved professors are ready to raise their game.

Standings

Smooth as Eggs — 114-35 (0-1 this week)

Slow Jerk — 112-37 (1-0)

The Right Rev — 111 -38 (1-0)

Mad Handles — 110-39 (1-0)

Picks

Handles

Jerk

Eggs

Rev

(5) UT vs. (1) OU

OU 38-21

OU 31-24

OU 31-28

OU 38-35

Colorado at (16) kU

kU 28-27

CU 14-10

CU 33-13

CU 666-0

(14) Utah at Wyoming

Utah 45-10

Utah 31-13

Utah 35-3

Utah 24-20

(13) Vandy at Miss. St

Vandy 14-13

Vandy 15-3

Vandy 14-8

Vandy 23-16

Nebraska at (7) TTech

TT 72-24

TT 47-31

TT 66-22

TT 73-28

Arizona St at (8) USC

USC 38-21

USC 33-19

USC 38-9

USC 31-17

Tennessee at (10) UGA

UGA 14-13

UGA 17-7

UGA 17-10

UGA 19-12

Purdue at (12) tOSU

tOSU 35-7

tOSU 29-22

tOSU 27-11

tOSU 28-10

ND at (22) UNC

UNC 28-14

UNC 33-13

UNC 30-14

UNC 21-20

(23) Mich St at NW

NW 28-24

NW 33-29

MSU 28-26

NW 35-34

Arkansas at (20) Aub.

Auburn 10-6

Auburn 2-0

Auburn 19-7

Auburn 3-2

New Mexico at (9) BYU

BYU 42-21

BYU 29-28

BYU 40-24

BYU 49-17

(25) Ball State at W. Ky

Ball 28-17

Ball 30-17

Ball 31-20

Ball 42-34

(17) OSU at (3) Mizzou

MU 55-24

MU 62-23

MU 56-24

MU 52-27

(4) LSU at (11) Florida

UF 24-17

UF 12-10

UF 18-16

UF 30-24

(6) PSU at Wisconsin

PSU 27-24

PSU 35-22

PSU 27-12

PSU 45-19

(15) BSU at South. Miss

Boise 31-13

Boise 41-36

Boise 33-8

Boise 28-27

k-State at aTm

kSU 27-17

kSU 17-3

kSU 30-29

aTm 28-22

Iowa St at Baylor

BU 38-21

BU 31-23

BU 21-17

BU 30-27

Minnesota at Illinois

UofI 41-24

UofI 33-17

UofI 30-14

UofI 33-13

Rutgers at Cincinnati

Cincy 28-17

Cincy 30-10

Cincy 20-18

Cincy 6-3

USCe at Kentucky

UK 17-14

USCe 23-18

USCe 14-10

UK 10-3

Arizona at Stanford

Stan. 31-24

Stan. 26-25

Stan. 16-14

Ariz. 28-27

Full-blown analysis from the smartest and most sarcastic kids in the room after the jump.

Top 25

(5) Texas vs. (1) Oklahoma at Dallas

Mad Handles - One of the best games played each year. Even though it’s like a bowl game, Stoops and the Sooners come out on top. OU 38, Texas 21

Slow Jerk – Texas doesn’t have the horses to keep up with the Sooners. They also don’t have the talent or execution. OU 31, Texas 24

Smooth as Eggs – Yes, that is Mack Brown pissing down his leg. It happens every time he sees Bob Stoops across the field. Oklahoma 31, Texas 28

The Right Rev – Mack Brown still can’t knock off the Sooners, but Texas will expose one thing: Oklahoma really missess Curtis Lofton and Reggie Smith. Oklahoma 38, Texas 35

Colorado at (16) kansAss

Mad Handles - It’s really too bad this game isn’t in Boulder. The location gives the dirty birds the edge. kansas 28, Colorado 27

Slow Jerk – I call this one Darrell Scott’s coming out party. Also, Todd Reesing will confirm after the game that he spit on Joe Mortenson, but it wasn’t on the field, and he didn’t really spit ON him but spit him out. cu 14, ku 10

Smooth as Eggs – After watching Florida State treat Colorado’s defense like Kobe Bryant treats random women in Eagle, Colo., there may be concerns about the Buffs. However, kansAss’ running game is essentially a Tiger Ten. Colorado 33, kansAss 13

The Right Rev – The Jayhawks are in real danger of going 6-6 this season. Seriously, look at their schedule – they still have games against Texas, Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Missouri on the schedule, and potentially dangerous games this weekend and at Nebraska. If Austen Arnaud can throw the ball against the beakers, what are McCoy, Bradford, Harrell, Daniel, Ganz and co going to do? Colorado 666, kansas 0

(14) Utah at Wyoming

Mad Handles – Yeah, Utah wins big, but does this game really tell us anything about them? Utah 45, Wyoming 10

Slow Jerk – Have you ever actually seen Wyoming? They have the color scheme of UPS. I will now morph into your favorite broadcaster: “They will deliver a win to Utah” Lame. Utah 31, Wyoming 13

Smooth as Eggs – Utah is going to go brokeback on these Cowboys. Utah 35, Wyoming 3

The Right Rev – Four years ago, coach Joe Glenn was a hot commodity. Now? On the verge of losing his job. And the Rev’s man crush Brian Johnson rolls on. Utah 24, Wyoming 20

(13) Vanderbilt at Mississippi State

Mad Handles - George Smith is kind of a simpleton, but Vandy’s legit. These SEC match ups tend to be low scoring affairs. Why should this one be any different? Vandy 14, Mississippi State 13

Slow Jerk – Here goes another high flying, exciting SEC game. Prediction – Vandy wins this and actually falls in the rankings. Vandy 15, Miss St 3

Smooth as Eggs – The Commodores are smart enough to realize that there is no such thing as offense in the SEC, therefore punting and playing defense wins games. Vandy 14, Mississippi State 8 (four safeties)

The Right Rev – The smart little train that could keeps rolling on. Vandy 23, Mississippi State 16

Nebraska at (7) Texas Tech

Mad Handles - Hey, I heard Bo has a special defense in store for the Red Raiders, and that Mike Ekeler is “jacked” about this game plan. The Blackshirts are BACK, baby! Texas Tech 72, Nebraska 24

Slow Jerk – Nebraska actually gets an offense in gear because Tech’s defense SUCKS. But, Tech scores all over nebraska because its defense SUCKS. TTU 47, nub 31

Smooth as Eggs – Mike Leach doesn’t care what people think about him or running up the score. Not good news for the Pink Skirts defense. Texas Tech 66, Nebraska 22

The Right Rev – Mike Leach is a pirate. Garr. He will raid the the crap out of Nebraska’s “bend-us-over” defense. And then Ndamakuh Suh will spit on Graham Harrell, while Bo Pelini smiles. Texas Tech 73, Nebraska 28

Arizona State at (8) USC

Mad Handles - You gotta think USC is still good and pissed. Arizona State had a chance to make a name for itself earlier vs. Georgia and chose to turtle. This one could get ugly quick. USC 38, Arizona State 21

Slow Jerk – Sanchez is back and there is not a cheat in the world that Erikson can use to win this one. USC 33, ASU 19

Smooth as Eggs – Seriously, how does Mark Sanchez still have a knee? USC 38, Arizona State 9

The Right Rev – USC: Still much better than the rest of the Little-10. USC 31, Arizona State 17

Tennessee at (10) Georgia

Mad Handles - Georgia’s incompetence on offense is surpassed only by Phil Fullmer’s incompetence as a coach. Georgia 14, Tennessee 13

Slow Jerk - SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SPEED SPEED SPEED SPEED. UGA 17, Tenn 7

Smooth as Eggs – The Fat Phil watch continues to grow. And Georgia continues to underwhelm, mainly because the ManSpooning CrimeDawgs just aren’t that good. Georgia 17, Tennessee 10

The Right Rev – A game that will bore all who watch it. But Matt Stafford will make two throws that no one else can make (while missing six-10 anyone else can make), and the announcers will drool. UGA 19, Tennessee 12

Purdue at (12) Ohio State

Mad Handles - This one sucks. Why? Because OSU will win big over an incompetent opponent and the talking heads will continue with the “OSU national championship hopes” discussion that began after last week’s victory over the fraud that is Wisconsin. Ohio State 35, Purdue 7

Slow Jerk – Pryor gets stifled in this game, but Purdue can’t stop beanie. Nope. Ohio State 29, Purdue 22

Smooth as Eggs – Terrelle Pryor’s greatest talent – making the Buckeyes look half-way decent on offense. Ohio State 27, Purdue 11

The Right Rev – I have Purdue friends. I feel for them. SECONDSTATE U 28, Purdue 10

Notre Dame at (22) North Carolina

Mad Handles - Yeah, the 14 I’m giving Notre Dame refers not to how many points they will score, rather to how many excuses Irish fans will make for Charlie Weiss in an attempt to rationalize their stunning departure from football relevance. Lou Holtz will still proclaim their greatness. UNC 28, Notre Dame 14

Slow Jerk – I told you UNC was good. Go look a the ACC preview I did. Seriously. I’m God. UNC 33, ND 13

Smooth as Eggs – Don’t believe all the talk that Notre Dame is a good team. At least not until the Irish win against a good team on the road. And that’s not happening this week. Butch Davis>>>>>>>>Charlie Weis. North Carolina 30, Notre Dame 14

The Right Rev – Notre Dame is starting to look decent (about time, considering the highly rated talent they’ve been throwing at the wall), but not good enough to win on the road against a good team. North Carolina 21, Notre Dame 20

(23) Michigan State at Northwestern

Mad Handles - This one’s for my home boy Brad. Go Wildcats! Northwestern 28, Michigan State 24

Slow Jerk – Sparty gets beat by people who claim to have a better J-School than Mizzou. Northwestern 33, Michigan State 29

Smooth as Eggs – Northwestern’s a nice story. But only the Spartans have a Ringer. Michigan State 28, Northwestern 26

The Right Rev – I remained unconvinced the fighting Javon Ringers are a top 25 team. The Wildcats will confirm this belief this weekend. Northwestern 35, Michigan State 34

Arkansas at (20) Auburn

Mad Handles - Look, don’t watch this one live, play it on NCAA 09. That’s the ONLY way it’ll be fun. If you must watch it live, resist the urge to stick hot pokers into your eyes. Auburn 10, Arkansas 6

Slow Jerk – Neither one can score a touchdown. Auburn takes their safety and rejoices that someone did something in the end zone. Auburn 2, Arky 0

Smooth as Eggs – How do you fix a pathetic offense – even by SEC’s low standards – fire the offensive coordinator just six games into the season after he attempts to convert the Tigers’ “skill players” into the spread offense. Or not. Rather, it’s just a desperate ploy by a coach feeling the heat. Auburn 19, Arkansas 7

The Right Rev - Seriously, Auburn, if you don’t score 20 points against Arkansas, you should stop playing offense and just punt on first down every possession. Auburn 3, Arkansas 2

New Mexico at (9) BYU

Mad Handles - BYU continues to torment the BCS committee. BYU 42, New Mexico 21

Slow Jerk – I honestly could not care less than I do for this game. BYU has no shot for anything of worth. BYU 29, New Mexico 28

Smooth as Eggs – Is BYU also a finesse team? Or has Rocky Long learned his lesson? BYU 40, New Mexico 24

The Right Rev – Yawn. BYU 49, New Mexico 17

(25) Ball State at Western Kentucky

Mad Handles - Ball State? I guess they win this one. They are No. 25, right? Holy shit. When did this happen? Ball State 28, Western KY 17

Slow Jerk – Next game Paul Shaffer will make drop-in comments over the coaches’ headsets. Ball State 30, WKU 17

Smooth as Eggs – I’m floored that I haven’t seen the fat waste of space that is Jason Whitlock touting the Cardinals more. True story – he showed up at Memorial Stadium in Columbia, Mo., to cover a game between Ball State and Missouri wearing his Cardinals’ uniform. Hack. Ball State 31, Western Kentucky 20

The Right Rev – Ball State is a damn good team, and they deserve to be ranked. The Rev’s prayers are with you, Dante Love. Ball State 42, Western Kentucky 34

(17) Oklahoma State at (3) Missouri

Mad Handles - At about 10:30 p.m. Central Time on Saturday night, there are going to be a lot of people feeling pretty stupid for not seeing this one coming. Mizzou wins big. Missouri 55, Okie Lite 24

Slow Jerk – Okie State has a good offense – but they rely on the run. Mizzou has a very salty run D. Mizzou can pass and run with efficiancy. Okie State’s D is the opposite of salty. It’s without salinity. It is NOT GOOD. Mizzou 62, Okie State 23

Smooth as Eggs – So much for those old-school principles that controlling the ball is key to success. Only The Rev’s sister scores faster – or more – than the Tigers – who rank last in time of possession. Missouri 56, Oklahoma State 24

The Right Rev – Look, Oklahoma State’s offense is outstanding. But Missouri’s D matches up well against it (Missouri is No. 15 in the nation against the run and is holding opponents to less than 3 yards per carry – and that includes some good run offenses in Nevada and Illinois). Missouri 52, Oklahoma State 27

(4) LSU at (11) Florida

Mad Handles – It’s at Florida. And stranger things have happened in the SEC this season… for example there was one week when two SEC teams actually scored 41 points. Anything is possible. Florida 24, LSU 17

Slow Jerk – Are we sure the SEC isn’t the ACC in disguise? UF 12, LSU 10

Smooth as Eggs – Consider this, if nothing else, as Smooth as Eggs proving how smart he is by keeping the peace in the Eggs household – the missus is a Gator fan. As such, it pains me to say Florida’s offensive struggles remind me of Missouri, circa 2004. Florida 18, LSU 16

The Right Rev – Doesn’t Ricky Jean Francois know better than to commit blaspemy (by suggesting Jesus Tebow can be injured)? Florida 30, LSU 24

(6) Penn State at Wisconsin

Mad Handles - This is close ONLY because it’s at Camp Randall and JoePa insists that, because it’s “camp,” his players sleep in tents on the field the night before the game. Penn State 27, Wisconsin 24

Slow Jerk – The Spread HD is a lot like JoePa. Why, I’m not sure. PSU 35, Wisky 22

Smooth as Eggs – If senile JoePa can learn what offense is, how can Bielema still be lost and confused? Penn State 27, Wisconsin 12

The Right Rev – Two losses in a row at Camp Randall? Does that mean Bielema is losing it? No, it means their schedule at home has been tissue soft since he became coach. Penn State 45, Wisconsin 19

(15) Boise State at Southern Miss

Mad Handles - Boise State continues an unsettling day for the BCS committee. They might want to start buying Mylanta by the barrel. Boise State 31, Southern Miss 13

Slow Jerk – Very entertaining game between teams with terrible uniforms. BSU 41, Southern Miss 36

Smooth as Eggs – Rumor is Brett Favre wants to return to college now. It’s Southern Mississippi’s only chance. Boise State 33, Southern Miss 8

The Right Rev – The Rev has no response to this game. Boise 28, Southern Miss 27

Big 12

k-State at aTm

Mad Handles – The Battle for the Basement! As bad as kansas State is, aTm is that much worse. Things are not good in College Station. kState 27, aTm 17

Slow Jerk – Futility. ksu 17, aTm 3

Smooth as Eggs - Even community college players are superior to the crap the Aggies are throwing out there. k-State 30, aTm 29

The Right Rev – Ron Prince called the Aggies’ offense “extraordinary.” Yeah, he’s THAT dumb. aTm 28, k State 22

Iowa State at Baylor

Mad Handles - Chizik’s team had its chance to steal one last week. This week they’re up against a team that can actually run the ball. Baylor 38, Iowa State 21

Slow Jerk - I still like Baylor. I don’t care if they aren’t very good. Baylor 31, Iowa State 23

Smooth as Eggs – Maybe Chizik should have waited a year and taken over the Bears’ program. At least there is talent in Waco. Baylor 21, Iowa State 17

The Right Rev – Robert Griffin takes the Bears one step closer to respectability. Baylor 30, Iowa State 27

Other

Minnesota at Illinois

Mad Handles - Who picked this game? Illinois 41, Minnesota 24

Slow Jerk – Eddie McGee, where are you? Illini 33, Minnesota 17

Smooth as Eggs – Juice Williams still isn’t a good quarterback. Then again, he’s probably the second-best the Big Mac has to offer. Illinois 30, Minnesota 14

The Right Rev – Both teams think they should be ranked. Illinois will show why its claim is valid, and Minnesota’s is not. Illinois 33, Minnesota 13

Rutgers at Cincinnati

Mad Handles - Well hey, Schiano, at least you duped the Rutgers administration into spending $100 million on stadium renovations. They must hate you right now. Cincy 28, Rutgers 17

Slow Jerk – Don’t care to comment. Cinci 30, Rutgers 10

Smooth as Eggs – Remember two years ago when people thought these programs were legit. They weren’t. It’s just how weak the Big East is. Cincinnati 20, Rutgers 18

The Right Rev - Awful Big East football on display, folks. Cincinnati 6, Rutgers 3

South Carolina at Kentucky

Mad Handles – Another boring SEC match up. Things just aren’t working out for ol’ Stevie Wonder anymore, eh? Kentucky 17, South Carolina 14

Slow Jerk – This is the highest scoring SEC game of the year. Metaphorically. South Carolina 23, Kentucky 18

Smooth as Eggs – It doesn’t matter how much worse of a coach Steve Spurrier is now than he was when he had an overabundance of talent at his disposal in Florida, the Wildcats are coached by Rich Brooks. Advantage Cocks. South Carolina 14, Kentucky 10

The Right Rev – Remind them that it’s 2008, not 1908, please? Someone, anyone? Kentucky 10, South Carolina 3

Arizona at Stanford

Mad Handles – The Cardinal use home field advantage to eek out a close one. Stanford 31, Arizona 24

Slow Jerk – Why, Pick-god, is this here? Stanford 26, Arizona State 25

Smooth as Eggs – So, will the Hoff drive KITT up to Palo Alto to hang out in the student section? Stanford 16, Arizona 14

The Right Rev – Pussies always win. Arizona 28, Stanford 27

About these ads

One Response

  1. my favorite part of my work week

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: