Fail!

Bo Pelini,  your team was in great shape to steal the game from VaTech last night, a pretty remarkable accomplishment, given the way your listless Cornhusker squad slept its way through the first half. Your defense, which had left open lane after lane all night long finally came up big and forced a Hokie punt, which Nate “Great White Hope” Swift returned for a touchdown. Down just 5 points, momentum finally appeared to be on your side. Then, when it mattered most, your team exhibited a remarkable lack of discipline, highlighted, of course, by your complete overreaction to what was a good and proper personal foul call by the official. Way to take the game away from your players, pal. For that, you wear the dunce cap this week, as demonstrated by this hastily slapped together Photoshop image.

STQ Week 5 Pop Quiz

Seriously, doesn’t that pretty much sum up Thursday night’s events?

Anyway, on to this week’s Pop quiz after the jump.

This Guy Could have Tackled Jacquizz

Brian Cushing?  Ray Maualuga?  Pssssh.  This guy would lead USC in tackles.

I expect this was about the level of seriousness at the Trojan practices this week.  Congrats, Beavers!

Pop Quiz Thursday – Trojans and Beavers Edition

On one hand you have a lethal batch of Trojans — USC that is. On the other hand, some wounded Beavers — Oregon State that is — that are used to taking a pounding. Seems like a mismatch. That’s what it seemed like two years ago, too, when USC traveled to Corvallis, Ore. Instead, Oregon State shocked the world. Will we have another shocker, only our experts know and they’ll break it down after the jump.

Honors Courses

I have to be honest, picking five games this week wasn’t an easy task. When my beloved Tigers take a one-week hiatus, I sort of view it as vacation time. I never step too far away, but look at the match-ups this week. Hardly any of them are inspiring. Alabama/UGA is probably the only premium game this week. That’s sad. It’s ok to experience a lull right about now, though, because come next week, pretty much everyone will be in conference play, and that’s when things get interesting. I can’t wait to dig into the wonderful juiciness that will be the Honors Courses next week. For now, this will have to do. Enjoy.

Professor Slow Jerk and his Amazing Study Guide

This week, we will look at a few things you should know in the week that is College Football.

Game of the week – UGA/Bama

I’m looking into the future.  This is the amount of Natural Light that Matthew Stafford will have to drink after getting beaten by the Fighting Sabans.  I’ll say this – he’s a better keg holder than a passer.  And at least with the keg in his hands he can’t spoon a fellow Dawg.  As for Knowshon – I’m glad he’s putting his leaping abilities to good use.

More after the jump:

Week 4 STQ Dean’s List and Paddle Line

Top Heavy – and we’re not talking about Tebow’s girlfriend

Everybody knows the SEC and Big 12 are very good conferences, head-and-shoulders above the likes of the ACC and Big East, comfortably better than the Pac-10 and Big MAC (that’s new, official, STQ terminology for the Big Ten. Thanks, Big Televen moniker – you’ve served us well). But this good? If college football was a well-endowed female, and said well-endowed female was the type of woman who named her breasts, the right one would be called “SEC” and the left one would be “Big 12.”

Don’t miss our weekly ranking of the 21 best teams and seven worst things in college football this week – complete with comments about each from our four resident gurus-in-their-own-minds.

4.0 Students

Just a few students who performed well in the classroom this weekend past:

Sean Weatherspoon – This man had TWENTY tackles.  Upcoming thesis:  The Art of Making Joe Ganz Soil Himself – A Study in Creaming Corn

Javon Ringer – Torched Notre Dame for 201 yards on the ground and 2 TD’s.  Upcoming thesis:  The Spartan/Irish War and the Implications of a Blasphomous Idol and a Pretty-Boy Haircut

Kellen Moore – Went on the road and spoiled Oregon’s hopes of being relevant.  Upcoming thesis:  The Structure of the Eye as it Pertains to Blocking Out Awful Combinations of Green, White, and Black

STQ Week 4 Pop Quiz

It all looks so easy. Pick a score – and really, any score will do – make a few jokes and the rest they say is history. Hell, who am I kidding, it really is that easy. If you don’t believe me, try it for yourself. Click on the comments and take your shot at besting the professors, after all we never said we were no stinking geniuses.

Week 4 standings (through Thursday night’s West Virginia-Colorado game)

Slow Jerk – 75 -18 (16-8 last week, 1-1 this week)

Smooth as Eggs – 75-18 (18-6 last week, 1-1 this week)

The Right Rev – 73-20 (17-7 last week, 0-2 this week)

Mad Handles – 73-20 (19-5 last week, 1-1 this week)

	Handles	Jerk	Eggs	Rev
Troy at (13) tOSU	tOSU 31-24	tOSU 28-10	tOSU 12-10	tOSU 31-10
(15) ECU at NC State	ECU 28-14	ESU 31-3	ECU 34-6	ECU 28-13
Temple at (16) Penn St	PSU44-10	PSU 41-7	PSU 56-12	PSU 46-9
(9) Bama at Arky	Bama 28-6	Bama 30-17	Bama 37-7	Bama 27-7
SC St. at (23) Clemson	Clem 42-0	Clem 19-7	Clem 40-2	Clem 42-10
Buffalo at (5) Missouri	MU 52-6	MU 71-10	MU 69-9	MU 69-14
Wyoming at (14) BYU	BYU 48-0	BYU 33-17	BYU 49-8	BYU 38-10
(4) Florida at Tenn	UF 35-24	UF 21-17	UF 35-17	UF 52-17
Boise at (17) Oregon	UO 38-31	UO 31-17	Boise 38-31	UO 35-24
(20) Utah at Air Force	Utah 38-17	Utah 30-12	Utah 33-22	Utah 41-30
(12) USF at FIU	USF 48-8	USF 41-17	USF 40-12	USF 49-14
Rice at (7) Texas	Texas 57-0	UT 40-3	Texas 60-7	Texas 54-17
UMass at (11) TexTech	Tech 42-24	Tech 49-10	Tech 52-16	Tech 66-20
(18) Wake at (24) FSU	FSU 17-14	FSU 18-17	Wake 27-20	Wake 20-19
SH St at (19) kansAss	kansas 55-3	SH State 5-2	SH State 3-2	kansas 1-0
(6) LSU at (10) Auburn	LSU 38-3	Auburn 14-12	LSU 10-3	LSU 24-3
(3) UGA at Arizona St	ASU24-14	ASU 25-17	UGA 17-13	UGA 3-2
(25) Fresno at Toledo	Fresno 28-13	Fresno 13-10	Fresno 24-12	Fresno 40-10
Baylor at UConn	Baylor 45-17	UConn 33-23	Baylor 27-20	UConn 17-14
Miami at aTm	Miami 13-10	Miami 17-13	Miami 10-3	Miami 20-3
Iowa St at UNLV	UNLV 13-7	Iowa St 7-6	UNLV 20-13	UNLV 20-10
Miss State at GaTech	GT 21-6	GT 9-4	GT 21-2	GT 7-3
VaTech at UNC	UNC 31-20	UNC 40-14	VT 16-14	UNC 21-17
Iowa at Pitt	Iowa 28-27	Pitt 21-15	Iowa 7-6	Iowa 3-2
ND at Michigan St	ND 35-10	MSU 30-18	ND 20-6	MSU 40-27
Arizona at UCLA	Ariz 24-14	Ariz 66-0	Ariz 30-27	Ariz 33-13
Vandy at Ole Miss	Miss 24-21	Vandy 23-20	Vandy 17-14	Miss 38-35

Full-blown analysis after the jump

Pop Quiz Thursday – West Virginia at Colorado

What do you get when you throw together two horrible defenses — entertaining Wednesday football. What to do for an encore from that missed-tackle fest between Kansas State and Louisville? More Big 12 versus Big East football. This time, though, hopefully the offense just comes as a result of good play.

(21) West Virginia at Colorado

Mad Handles — Two reasons: West Virginia has to be pissed after losing to ECU, and Colorado still has Cody Hawkins at QB. Both teams should be well rested coming off bye weeks. West Virginia 28, Colorado 24

Slow Jerk — West Virginia put up a whopping THREE points on the scoreboard the last time they played.  Thin air plus a team from a real conference equals upset. Colorado 21, West Virginia 17

Smooth as Eggs — It’s all about the Hawk Love. That, and Bill Stewart is actually intent on proving he was a worse next-in-line hire than Larry Coker. Colorado 27, West Virginia 13

The Right Rev — Colorado actually is the one Big 12 team the Rev doesn’t want to see go 0-12, but Pat White should be too much for the Buffs. Speaking of Pat White, does Bill Stewart realize how much he owes White? I mean, the guy just got a six-year extension, and his career accomplishments thus far don’t go much beyond holding Rich Rod’s jock, beating an injury- and suspension-depleted and unfocused Oklahoma team (big game who?). Oh, and losing to East Carolina. West Virginia 27, Colorado 21